Saturday, March 1, 2008

Self-Conscious Worship

Today I realized that I'm a self-conscious worshiper.
I was getting ready for morning prayer, had the book out, the bulletin and I put the kneeler into kneeling position (I felt the need to kneel beforehand). Then a friend came over and sat with me. It's Ok, I like this person, hence, "friend." Something inside me changed and I no longer wanted to kneel. I knew I could have, he didn't care what I did, but I suddenly felt self-conscious about how I worship.

I'm a self-conscious worshiper.


~moe~ said...

I am too. I get really self conscious standing next to someone and singing hymns, especially if they have any musical background. I stood by the artistic director for an opera company one time and worried the entire time about how I sounded next to him (he has a beautiful voice).

And praying? Oh my goodness...I always like to pray after communion and I worry while I do it that people are thinking I'm nuts. Doesn't really help with the praying, huh?

Just want you to know you're not alone.

Jason said...

I'm a self-conscious everythinger. I don't like people to see me doing things, and the more serious things the less I like to be seen doing them. It's like the presence of an observer introduces the possibility that the action is for the audience, and it ruins the spirit of what I'm doing.

I've had the most profound moments of meditation eating lunch in my car.

Strange. But I understand what you're saying. You crazy psycho-Christian.